Self-Introduction
Dear Professor Blackstone,
My name is Oh Yong Wei. I am writing this letter to you to introduce myself as a student in your effective communication class.
Since young, i excelled in subjects such as physics, chemistry and maths. After my n-levels, i was selected for the poly foundation programme. I began to looking at the subjects I was interested and also strong in and choose to specialise mechanical engineering.
MotoGP and Formula 1 piqued my interest in studying engineering. It is the technological pinnacle of motorsport, where all drivers aspire to be. The amount of engineering and technology that goes into it is just unbelievable. It takes engineering to the next level, always working on the limit. As i furthered studied engineering, i became to appreciate the engineers who made our everyday lives easier and even effortless. Almost everything we see nowadays are thanks to the engineers who came up with solutions and innovations that countered the problems to make everything that we see possible. However i feel that it is not the end. I have always believe that the world is a better place then it was a second ago. Hence, if i were to become an engineer, i would like to come up with ideas and inventions that further improve the everyday lives of people.
One of my communication weakness is public speaking. When speaking in a large group my confidence drops and I tend to speak faster and end up missing some of the pointers in the presentation. I would say that I am a good listener who is interested in the speaker and refrains interrupting.
Firstly, I would hope to improve my public speaking skills and become a confident speaker.
Also, I hope to learn skills in this module which I would be able to apply in the future.
Best Regards,
Oh Yong Wei
Hi Yong Wei,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing more about yourself! and your interests in Formula 1, and i hope to see one of your inventions someday in the future!
some pointers to take note too.
some of your "i" are capitalized while some are not capitalized.
grammatical errors such as "almost everything we see nowadays are thanks to ..." to "almost everything we see nowadays is thanks to"
punctuation error such as in paragraph 3 there is suppose to have a comma after however.
Best Regards
Sean Pang
Hi Yong Wei,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing more about yourself, and your passion for engineering. Personally, I am a huge motor sport fan and this introduction letter really resonated with me. We could perhaps discuss this further next time, when we meet.
Moving along, I have some pointers that I noted when I read your letter. Firstly, you are missing some capitalization of your "I"s.
Secondly, I felt that this sentence was weirdly phrased "Almost everything we see nowadays are thanks to the engineers who came up with solutions and innovations that countered the problems to make everything that we see possible". I would break this sentence up, as there is too much content to take in at once, and the sentence has some Singlish characteristics in it.
Other than that, I am glad to have stumbled upon a fellow engineering student that shares the same passion for motorsport and engineering as I do.
Happy Chinese New year and I hope to see you in class, so that we can discuss this further.
Best Regards
Muhammad Zulhusni Bin Jumat
Hi Yong Wei,
DeleteMaybe you elaborate too much on how engineer is growing but i do like to hear more about you. You said " I have always believe that the world is a better place then it was a second ago." I would like to hear more on how you plan to improve on the technology for the future? Thanks for sharing your introduction I really enjoy reading it and i can see you really have passion in what you are doing.
Best Regards,
Ong Jun Kai
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Yong Wei,
ReplyDeleteApologies for the late response. Just today I realized that your blog link was not actually on my list for Group 4. That's now corrected.
This is a well written and informative letter. I enjoyed learning about the way that a fascination with Formula 1 and MotoGP has inspired you to become an engineer. You also do a decent job of mentioning your comm skills weakness and strength, and your goals for MEC1281 are fairly clear. We will address those in the module.
Your peers have entioned some nagging language issues with this letter, and there are a few others as well:
1. verb form issues
-- I began to looking at the subjects I was interested and also strong in and choose to specialise mechanical engineering. >
I began to look at the subjects I was interested in and also strong in and chose to specialise mechanical engineering.
-- Almost everything we see nowadays are thanks to the engineers who came up with solutions and innovations that countered the problems to make everything that we see possible. > . (subject-verb agreement) . ?
-- I have always believe > ?
2. phrasing
-- amount of engineering and technology > the engineering technology
-- One of my communication weakness > . ?
Let's work on these points.
Thanks again for your effort.
Brad